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‘Basics’ Category

  1. Overcoming Grief

    April 13, 2012 by JayWegner

    Overcoming GriefLife is not all happiness, triumph or good things. Life is a mix of good and bad, sadness and happiness, victory and defeat. No man has ever lived on this earth without experiencing the ups and downs of life. Regardless of the circumstances, as human beings, we are made to feel these different emotions. This in fact separates us from all the other forms of life on earth. Humans have emotions. Others don’t.

    One such emotion which is kind of difficult to handle is grief. People feel this as a natural reaction to losing a loved one. Losing people we love and care about suddenly and unexpectedly bring forth this unpleasant feeling.

    People grieve over terrible and unimaginable situations like death of a pet, loss of a job, loss of lives and properties to disasters and natural calamities (fire, earthquake, flood, tsunami, terrorist acts, etc.). In situations like these, no amount of emotional and psychological strength could prepare us to accept the circumstances as calmly as we could. Even the strongest of man is not free from this overwhelming emotion.

    HOW DO WE HANDLE GRIEF?

    Just very recently I came across a story about an old lady whose husband is suffering from brain cancer. For some reasons the husband got lost one day. The old lady took to the streets asking around if anybody had seen her husband. She even stuck a paper with her husband’s photo on it, on her dress as she walked around. It took her over a week until some good-hearted people who saw her picture in the news contacted her to inform that her husband has been located. The old lady couldn’t be happier when she finally reunited with her husband. But the happiness was short lived because a couple of days later her husband was brought to the hospital and not long after succumbed to cancer.

    The old lady’s grief was just too much that a few weeks after her husband’s death, she fell ill and did not recover. She joined her husband soon enough.

    This story gets you to think about the reality of losing a loved one and how such loss triggers one’s coping mechanism on grief. Apparently the old lady was not able to cope with grief over losing her husband and yielded in the overwhelming sadness she felt.

    This could happen to anyone especially those with very low emotional stability. Grief manifests in so many different levels and degree. Some people will manage to get over it, some will not recover. No one knows for sure how long you can endure the pain and sadness. But some helpful ways to cope up will be worth a try.

    • Acceptance – a person’s acceptance of the situation he or she is into will help a lot in overcoming grief. Any form of denial will just aggravate and bottle up the emotions felt over losing someone or something. The faster the person accepts the situation the faster he/she will feel better
    • Grieve – people sometimes see grieving as a weakness that they deny themselves the chance to feel grief and sadness. Allow yourself to feel the emotion that naturally goes with any situation and you will realize that the emotions improve over time.
    • Time – it heals all wounds. Give yourself time and space to drown in sadness. This is okay but only for a short period. A prolonged period of grieving could mean more serious emotional problem. If this happens, you should seek professional help to be able to handle your grief better.

    As the degree of grief varies from one person to another depending on the causes of such grief everyone must believe that you will wake up one day feeling a whole lot better.

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  2. Overcoming Depression

    March 30, 2012 by JayWegner

    Overcoming DepressionA friend of mine shares the story about her 14 year old son Patrick. He was busy with filing the paperwork for a divorce. He is a fine young boy with an infectious smile. He is active and bustling, running around their home every time I visit them. He is so full of energy and life!

    But everything suddenly changed one afternoon when he came from school feeling as he said, “odd”. Thinking that it was just one of his normal mood swings, my friend did not bother much. She brushed the worries away and went with her normal routine. The week passed the usual way. Patrick’s gloomy aura did not seem disturbing at that time.

    My friend started to get worried when her son refused to go to school the following week making up ordinary excuses like they have no teacher or that there are activities in school and he did not have to be there, etc. At first, my friend believed her son. But when the excuses became highly suspicious, my friend decided to check with school authorities. And she was so shocked to discover that her son had not been attending his classes for 2 weeks and she did not understand that because Patrick only stayed home for 2-3 days, not 2 weeks!

    And that’s how my friend got to know ‘D’ or depression. It was a painful experience. She never suspected Patrick to be afflicted with this disorder. No mother would want her child to go through this very unfamiliar and inexplicable sadness.

    So how exactly do we figure out if depression has set in? Well, the first step is to try to get to know everything about the illness or disorder. Recalling what my friend told me about Patrick’s behavior and comparing them with the information I gathered I came up with the simplified, easy-to-understand list of ’watch-out for’ behavior or actions from anyone you know or suspect to be afflicted with depression.

    TELL-TALE and GIVE-AWAY SIGNS and SYMPTOMS

    What my friend failed to notice or observe is the big difference between ‘normal unhappiness’ and unusual melancholy. Patrick seemed lonely and unhappy for days and my friend thought it was normal behavior.

    If we read articles about depression, we would know that the prolonged loneliness displayed by Patrick is the first sign of depression. He never got out of his sadness. My friend’s failure to detect this first sign led to more serious problems for Patrick. He started doing things uncontrollably like hurting himself when he gets angry or emotional. He even burned his arms with lighted cigarettes. It became hard for him to cope with school work and he just wanted to stay home all the time. He became withdrawn and isolated. He got easily irritated and agitated that my friend found him difficult to deal with. With all these happening to Patrick, my friend finally admitted to herself that her son needs professional help. There is nothing more she can do to help Patrick.

    HELPFUL WAYS TO OVERCOME DEPRESSION

    One of the painful lessons my friend about this unpleasant situation is the power of acceptance. One she decided to accept the condition of her son, it became easier for her to do what was necessary to help Patrick. She never wanted for her son to suffer like that. And she couldn’t blame anyone for that either. Soon enough she came to understand that the best support her son needs is from his family. And that she owes to her son.

    Apart from the professional therapy and medication her son had to undergo, my friend recognizes and accepts her role in all these. She should be strong for Patrick. Her son should all the more feel loved and accepted despite the affliction. My friend even learned some calming exercises or relaxation activities which she uses every time Patrick shows signs of agitation.

    Although the progress is slow, my friend couldn’t be happier with the behavioral improvement manifested by Patrick after months of therapy and medication. Although she did not recognize the disorder right away, she is happy just the same because Patrick’s chances of improving and eventually getting cured are high. And she couldn’t ask for more at this time. Better yet, he is about to go for a cruise vacation; hopefully to resolve issues with his wife.

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  3. Overcoming Emotional Abuse

    March 22, 2012 by JayWegner

    Overcoming Emotional AbuseAny form of abuse, be it emotional, physical, mental, verbal, etc. has demoralizing and harmful effects on the person being subjected to such abuse. It’s upsetting and distressing and has long-term negative impact on a person’s perception of his/her whole being and self worth.

    Some say physical abuse is a lot better than emotional abuse because the bruises or marks on the body will fade in time but emotional abuse leaves a scar on one’s self value that is difficult to heal and alter.

    Emotional abuse takes many forms. It could be repeated insults or ridicule, intimidating remarks, constant criticisms and humiliation and condescending comments. The abuse is strong enough to make the abused person believed what the abuser is telling him/her, losing his/her rational sensibility to think otherwise. The overpowering effect of emotional abuse can render a person agreeing to the abuser’s accusations and declarations. An emotionally-abused person often feels rejected, dejected and unloved. And this emotional condition can last a lifetime if not acted upon.

    HOW TO COPE AND OVERCOME EMOTIONAL ABUSE

    We see it all the time on reality TV programs – a weak wife emotionally-abused by an alcoholic husband, a passive husband abused by a strong-willed wife. The fact is, emotional abuse is everywhere and it does not pick who the abuser and abused is. More often than not, the abuser succeeds in ruining and crushing the confidence of the abused by repeated verbal attacks. And the abused unwillingly accepts these emotional assaults. The abused is rendered powerless by the abuser and it makes complete sense that the cycle never ends for both the abuser and the abused.

    Professional psychologists and psychiatrists recommend some steps found to be helpful in overcoming emotional abuse in its early stage.

    • The first important step is for the abused to care about herself physically. If you treat yourself well and it manifests physically, your mind will resist any form of abuse. Keeping yourself fit gives you the confidence and self-affirmation. If you feel good about yourself you will not let anyone destroy and ruin that. A regular exercise program will definitely help you boost your self-confidence.
    • Support group always provide the emotional support needed by the abused. Your support group will give you the feeling of being loved, wanted and appreciated. It keeps you from isolating yourself and not letting anyone know what is happening to you. It’s bad enough that you are abused but worst if no one knows about it but you and your abuser.
    • Learn different ways of releasing anger, frustration and emotional distress. It could be by recalling instances of abuse and writing them on a journal. At the same time, you should write down the emotions that go with each abusive incident. Be honest enough to express your true feelings even if it makes you think little of yourself. This way, you are able to get all the emotions out of your head enabling you to think better and eventually recognize the abuse and realize that it should come to an end.
    • The abuser always manages to get the abused feel guilty just about anything. The abused should switch this emotion off. There is nothing to be guilty about expressing your thoughts or opinion on anything. It is everyone’s inherent right and no one should tell you that you cannot voice out your thoughts.
    • Be emotionally strong and don’t allow your abuser to break you inside. You should be able to tell yourself that there is a limit to your willingness to accept the emotional abuse. Convince yourself that you did nothing wrong to deserve that kind of treatment from anyone. Value and respect yourself so that others will do, too.

    Always remember that no one will abuse you if you don’t allow them to abuse you.

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