Diana
Murray
Oak Beach, NY, United States
10/26/2008 8:55:49 PM
Thank you, Jerry, and thanks to everyone who has shared. Over the past four years, I have developed chronic pancreatitis. I had a congenital defect that caused many attacks of acute pancreatitis. Surgery and many invasive procedures likely contributed to my current condition. I had a "Whipple surgery" last December when my situation was desperate: my pain was severe and constant, and I didn't know much of what was going on because of the large doses of narcotic medications I was taking in an effort to be minimally functional at work. (I am a scientist.) During the surgery, my gall bladder, duodenum, pancreatic and biliary ducts, half my pancreas and a portion of my stomach was removed. The surgery helped a little. But only a little. It was a nightmare experience, and I knew early on in my recovery that not much had changed as a result. I tried very hard not to let the people who care about me know how much pain I was still in. But this only led to complications down the road... Now, as I ponder the one year anniversary of my surgery, I know that I will have this chronic pain forever. Even with all the morphine I take, the pain level is still too high for me to ever be reasonably comfortable. I am struggling with how to manage my work so that I may continue. I have a biomedical research lab with 10 members. Yes, it's a process, and, yes, each day I must recommit to Life. These are some "rules" I have found especially helpful from people and books: 1. God is always in me and I am always in him. 2. One moment at a time. Strive to truly live each moment but in a relaxed way! 3. At work, do only what only I can do. 4. At least think about reaching out to one person each day. 5. Faith, Hope and Charity. God has a plan for me, and watching this unfurl can be exciting: I want to contribute. How will God use me? 6. I can let go of my guilt- I did nothing wrong in getting sick. But I must do my best in responding to this circumstance. And my best isn't always so great, but that's ok, too. 7. And it's ok to "give up" once in a while as long as I know deep in my heart that I will get back out there soon. 8. I sleep with my rosary beads. Touching the beads during the night reminds me that I am safe and loved. God Bless to All.
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